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Suicide is More About Feelings Than Dying

It’s time we realize suicide isn’t about wanting to die. Find out what’s really to blame for thoughts of suicide and why people act on those thoughts.
Suicide is More About Feelings Than Dying
Suicidal depressed person in pain and solitude at home, dealing with chronic disease difficulties and depression on living room floor. Desperate anxious woman with mental health negativity.

Table of Contents

Why Suicide Isn’t About Wanting to Die

Suicide is a very sensitive subject for good reason – it comes loaded with a lot of strong feelings. There are also a lot of misconceptions that distort our understanding of suicide. One of the biggest misconceptions is that death by suicide is about wanting to die. In actuality, death is simply the solution not what the person truly wants.

What Suicide is Really About

Although it seems obvious, suicide isn’t really about wanting to die. Suicide is actually about wanting an uncomfortable feeling to end, to the point you’re willing to go to the extreme of harming yourself to escape. Death isn’t necessarily what the person wants, but it seems like the only option for finding peace.

A sign that this is the case is the fact that many suicide attempts aren’t premeditated. It is a somewhat impulsive decision that’s made during an emotionally overwhelming moment. The attempt is really a way for the person to express the pain they are feeling more so than an action to end their life. Interviews with suicide survivors verify this observation.

Another indicator of this is seen in suicide survivorship rates. Ninety percent of people who attempt suicide and survive don’t die by suicide. The stat holds true even among people who have medically serious suicide attempts that result in significant injury. If suicide were strictly about wanting to die, it would seem that more survivors would go on to attempt it again and die by suicide.

What is clear is that thoughts of suicide (suicidal ideation) are short-lived. Even if the underlying angst is chronic, the urge to harm oneself isn’t.

However, those difficult feelings continue after a death by suicide, but the second time around they are felt by the family and friends of the person who died. Regardless of how we each feel about suicide, everyone’s family has a right to grieve regardless of the circumstance surrounding the death of a loved one. Funeral rites allow people to cope with their grief and acknowledge the life that was lived separate from the actions that occurred at the very end of a person’s life.

Finding ways to cope is particularly important when death by suicide is involved. Exposure to suicide increases a person’s risk of having suicide ideation and attempting suicide as well.

The Connection Between Suicide and Mental Illness

It’s time that suicide is recognized for what it is – a devasting symptom of mental illness. It’s impossible to get an exact measurement, but medical experts estimate that approximately 90% of people who die by suicide have a mental health condition.

Like someone who has a heart attack or kidney failure, the underlying cause of death is an illness. And the person who dies by suicide didn’t want their illness any more than the person who experiences a heart attack or kidney failure. Unfortunately, half of people who are struggling with mental illness don’t get the medical attention they need. Various studies have shown that when mental health care is available and utilized it reduces the risk of suicide.

When someone says or alludes that they may be suicidal or have suicidal ideation it’s a red flag that should be taken seriously. Provide whatever support they need, and try to get the person help from mental health specialists. You can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline any time of day to connect with someone who can help.

Marlaena Gonzales

Marlaena Gonzales

Funeral Director
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